How to Win Friends and Influence People (Summary of the book)

It’s been a long time after my last summary release of the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad. So here I am with a new one. This post will talk about the book mentioned in the title.
To get the gist of what I will be writing, let’s talk about what does the book is trying to convey.

Often, at places where we spend most of our time like our school, college, workplace, etc. we want everyone to like us, respect us and be famous. Well, there is nothing wrong in wanting this, but how many of us actually get people to follow us?
In my survey, very few. Why? you may ask, it’s because we don’t know how to make people like us, follow us or respect us.
This is exactly what this book talks about. Dale Carnegie, one of the renowned American Writer, talks about his own experience and techniques to get exactly what we want with respect to human behaviour and have people follow you.
You may be wondering, why do you need this? Well, author’s investigations revealed that in engineering, 15% of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and 85% is due to skill in human engineering — to personality and the ability to lead people.

Let’s dive right in.

In the book, there are series of principles one must follow in order to get the most out of it. Let’s see if we can get all the principles in one post or we need a part 1 and part 2 😄

Principle 1
Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.

→ Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. It wounds a person’s pride, hurts his sense of importance. Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. Author mentions a series of stories where avoiding criticism, helped solve the problem, with good will.

Principle 2
Give honest and sincere appreciation.

→ We, as humans, desire to be great. The desire for a feeling of importance is what we all look for. Often, this is what creates problems in relationships and people end up hurting each other. The greatest asset someone can posses is the way to develop the best in person by appreciation and encouragement.
Now, when it comes to appreciation, we need to understand the difference between appreciation and flattery. And it is simple, one is sincere and other is not. One comes from heart out and the other comes from teeth out. One is unselfish and other selfish. One is admired everywhere and other is condemned.
Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you, be afraid of the friends who flatter you.

Principle 3
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

→ We are interested in doing what benefits us and what we want. If you want to get something done from someone, arouse an interest about it in themselves and see the magic of this principle. This very same technique can be used by parents to arouse interests in their kids, as we all know how little kids refrain from going school. So parents can play a game thoughtfully as to arouse interest in them for going to school. In doing this, it’s a win-win for the kid and parents.

Principle 4
Become genuinely interested in other people.

→ You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. But this show of interest must be sincere, as with every other principle of human relations.

Principle 5
Smile.

→ It costs nothing, but creates much. Do I need to say more? 😄

Principle 6
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

→ The name sets an individual apart, it makes him or her unique among all others. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others. If you are not doing this, get started right away.

Principle 7
Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves.

→ Often in businesses we find customers getting angry for a small mistake and it’s legit for them to be angry, since they are paying for the service. The trick is to silently listen to their grievance, because what they need is just a listener. Also, in relationships, the only thing that your partner needs after a tiring day at work, is a listener and get things out of the system. This works like a wonder.

Principle 8
Talk in terms of other person’s interest.

→ This may be same as Principle 3, but it is not the same. This principle is particular talks about how you can go about making friends and get genuinely interested in other people.

Principle 9
Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely

→ The deepest principle in the human nature is the craving to be appreciated. Do not do this if you are trying to get out something from him/her. False praises are way more harmful than any kind of hatred.

Principle 10
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

→ Welcome the disagreement. If you argue, rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory, because you will never get an opponent’s good will. Control your temper, listen to your opponent, keep your ego aside. Look for areas of agreement. Be honest. These are few ways how you can get the argument to your side.

Principle 11
Show respect to other person’s opinion. Never say ‘You’re wrong’.

→ Whenever in a fight or argument, never say, ‘I am going to prove so-and-so to you’. The problem in saying this is, it’s sounds like a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes a listener want a battle with you, before you even start.
So, it is always better to avoid it. One way of doing it is by saying, “I may be wrong, but let’s examine the facts”.

Principle 12
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

→ When we admit that we are wrong, the other person thinks that we are honest to ourselves. This technique will produce astonishing results when used under right circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.

Principle 13
Begin in a friendly way.

→ When in confusion on how to start a discussion with someone who hasn’t done his job which you were dependent on, start talking about it in a friendly way instead of bashing it right through the person.

I think this is enough for part 1 as I am aware that my reader’s have much more important things to care about.
So, that’s it guys. There will be a part 2 for this for the remaining principles in few days.
Man! I love this job to write summaries.

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to Amrita Chaturvedi for helping me with review of this blog before publishing. She herself is a versatile person. She writes here. Do follow her if you are poem person, just like me 😄.
Till then, see you! Peace ☮️